Friday, August 22, 2025

Conversations with my Ten-Year-Old Self

 By Scott Jackson

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It was a nice spring afternoon in Pekin. I sat on a bench at Mineral Springs Park by the lagoon, overlooking many people walking and enjoying the spring day. As I relaxed, I thought back to my past self I wondered about many things. How would we each think of where the other is in our time frames? But how far back would I go for my past self? Maybe ten would be a good time to revisit. Although ten-year-old me would be over playing on some swings and maybe—

A small figure appeared out of the corner of my left eye, I looked over and I saw my ten-year-old self next to the bench waving at me. A slight wave is returned back to him. My past self smiled and said, “Hello, how are you doing today?”

Being careful on how to respond back while trying not to make eye contact, “I suppose I'm doing fine for now. And you?”

“Oh, I'm having fun. But now I have to wait for my folks to come back. “They left to get some food to bring here.” He looked at me, and the bench, then asked, “Can I sit down, please?”

“Sure, go ahead.” He sat on the left side of the bench; we looked at both the trees and the sky above us with the clouds barely going by.

He began to ask a question, “Are you—”

I started to slowly nod my head thinking here comes the major question.

“Are you my dad?”

I stopped nodding and turned my head to look at him, “What? No. No.”

“Are you another uncle I have from somewhere else?”

There were so many uncles from different places when I was young. “No. Although I'm old enough to be at this point.” I looked him in the eyes, and he noticed my eyes look the same, yet different. “I'm you, just older.”

“Oh.” He began to figure it out, yet my ten-year-old self might just be fine with this answer. “So, you're like me in the future. Like those movies.”

I nodded my head to sort of answer, “In a way, yes. But not exactly.” We both just sat there looking at the scenery around us. I kept thinking if this might be awkward for the both of us, or just odd for my younger self. “Part of me misses coming to this park. It has changed so much since I was you.”

“Why do you miss it?”

“You, I, we, I had to move away at some point.”

My past self jumped off the bench and stepped over in front of me. He motioned for me to lean in close, then grabbed my beard to feel if it was real. “Wow, I grow out a beard like that? You must be wise.” He let go of the beard and sat back down to my left side.

I giggled a bit before I said, “I guess it depends on the day and situation. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm just a fool.” We both laughed about that part.

“Why am I here?” My past self asked me, which I had to ponder for a moment or two to think about that.

Something came to my mind, but I had to figure out how to say it properly. “Well, considering we may not remember meeting after this, maybe we would like to know what we think of what we would or could become. Since I am from your future, I'd ask you what you would think and,” I'm not sure if I should say this last part due to not being sure my ten-year-old self would understand. “Would you be proud of who I've become?”

“Why don't you ask our mom?”

Inside I screamed, “Mom isn't alive in my time.” Then I decided to ask, “Well, wouldn't we or ourselves be the better judge of each other?”

He thought for a moment, then nodded. “You may be right.” I quietly let out a sigh of relief. “So, what have you done?”

Then I pondered on how much I should and/or shouldn't share with my past self. “Oh boy, where do I begin? We graduated high school alongside some friends. Currently, I'm tackling higher education, which took me a while to get there.”

My past self looked on in wonder and amazement.

“We end up acting on screen and stage.” I saw a 'wow' come from his mouth after that. “You will end up visiting California and Florida. We'll see many sights we never expected. And meet many people we wouldn't believe possible to meet. So, what do you think?”

My past self sat back up from laying down to listen. “Wow, you've done so much with your life. A part of me does envy you. I look forward to what happens.” I grinned a bit, because not everything single thing was told to him, well the parts that he wouldn't like. “I guess I could be proud of myself for doing all those things. But were there any scary parts?”

“I'm afraid with much of life, there will always be scary and dangerous parts. Although at my point, I don't think I've come across anything too dangerous yet.”

“Do I grow out of the things that I’m afraid of? One major thing I'm afraid of is heights.”

I answered back, “At my current age, I mostly just fear falling the wrong way. In a way, it's something we both still fear. Don't worry, some of your fears you will grow out of.” I patted my past self on his head, as he bit his fingernails. “Along with outgrowing some of our bad habits.”

He then asked, “Are there things we still like when we are older?”

“Oh yes. Movies, comics, wrestling. Some of the food, at least the ones I can have. Trust me, your foods may change slightly but it'll still be yummy.” He giggled. “You do a lot more reading when you grow up, but you will still have your favorites.”

“Like the Hobbit?”

I nodded. "Yes, and there will be a few movies tying into that story to look forward to as well. Someday.”

“Your future sounds awesome; I want to be there and see it myself. Do you have a job?”

Again, I wondered how to explain his future, but this time about my employment situation. “Presently I do, yet I've got through so many jobs that you would like to tackle at some point. Some of which aren't even around when you are currently. I'm afraid you'll have to wait for many things.” My past self lets out a sigh of disappointment.

“I suppose I could wait.” He looked up at my face, as we were both smiling. “I think our mom would be proud of us, too.”

My smile cracked as did part of my voice, “I wish I knew. I miss her and our folks.”

The past self started to piece something together. “Wait, are they gone in your time?”

I teared up, sniffling, and slowly nodded. “Yes. I'm afraid most of them have. I've outlived them.”

As he looked at my face and saw me crying, he caught me off guard by asking, “Do you need a hug?”

I slowly shook my head, “In a way, I've always needed one since they all passed. I used to be such a good hugger when I was younger. Although you aren't there yet.” We both got off the bench. I lowered down to one knee and embraced the hug with myself. I whisper to him; “I will always miss being you.”

He whispered back, “And I'll always look forward to being you.” In a way, we accepted what we were, are, and what we will become. As we parted, I said to him, “Give my love to long ago.” My past self ran away waving at me.

Opening my eyes, I found myself still there on the bench overlooking the lagoon. Noticing that the sun was about to set, I stood up and started walking away from that bench. Yet, I stopped to feel my cheek and tears were there. I will always cherish and miss pieces of my past, and I know that my past will always look forward to the great things ahead of him.

 

About the Author


Scott Jackson is a native of Central Illinois where he lives with his girlfriend and four cats. He loves video games, musicals, comic books, 80s and 90s nostalgia, Doctor Who, and overall, a good story to enjoy. After finally reaching his limits with retail work, he decided to re-invent himself by going back to school to pursue his dream of becoming a writer and teacher. In his spare time, he picks up extra roles in local films, helps out with a local community theatre, and continues to work on his first novels. Currently, he is the Vice President of Scholarship for ICC's honor society Phi Theta Kappa. He is told this would be his last year at ICC and is due to graduate in December 2025.

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