By Scott Jackson
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It was a nice
spring afternoon in Pekin. I sat on a bench at Mineral Springs Park by the
lagoon, overlooking many people walking and enjoying the spring day. As I
relaxed, I thought back to my past self I wondered about many things. How would
we each think of where the other is in our time frames? But how far back would
I go for my past self? Maybe ten would be a good time to revisit. Although
ten-year-old me would be over playing on some swings and maybe—
A small figure
appeared out of the corner of my left eye, I looked over and I saw my
ten-year-old self next to the bench waving at me. A slight wave is returned
back to him. My past self smiled and said, “Hello, how are you doing today?”
Being careful on
how to respond back while trying not to make eye contact, “I suppose I'm doing
fine for now. And you?”
“Oh, I'm having
fun. But now I have to wait for my folks to come back. “They left to get some
food to bring here.” He looked at me, and the bench, then asked, “Can I sit
down, please?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
He sat on the left side of the bench; we looked at both the trees and the sky
above us with the clouds barely going by.
He began to ask a
question, “Are you—”
I started to
slowly nod my head thinking here comes the major question.
“Are you my dad?”
I stopped nodding
and turned my head to look at him, “What? No. No.”
“Are you another uncle
I have from somewhere else?”
There were so many
uncles from different places when I was young. “No. Although I'm old enough to
be at this point.” I looked him in the eyes, and he noticed my eyes look the
same, yet different. “I'm you, just older.”
“Oh.” He began to
figure it out, yet my ten-year-old self might just be fine with this answer.
“So, you're like me in the future. Like those movies.”
I nodded my head
to sort of answer, “In a way, yes. But not exactly.” We both just sat there
looking at the scenery around us. I kept thinking if this might be awkward for
the both of us, or just odd for my younger self. “Part of me misses coming to
this park. It has changed so much since I was you.”
“Why do you miss
it?”
“You, I, we, I had
to move away at some point.”
My past self
jumped off the bench and stepped over in front of me. He motioned for me to lean
in close, then grabbed my beard to feel if it was real. “Wow, I grow out a
beard like that? You must be wise.” He let go of the beard and sat back down to
my left side.
I giggled a bit
before I said, “I guess it depends on the day and situation. Sometimes I am,
sometimes I'm just a fool.” We both laughed about that part.
“Why am I here?”
My past self asked me, which I had to ponder for a moment or two to think about
that.
Something came to
my mind, but I had to figure out how to say it properly. “Well, considering we
may not remember meeting after this, maybe we would like to know what we think
of what we would or could become. Since I am from your future, I'd ask you what
you would think and,” I'm not sure if I should say this last part due to not
being sure my ten-year-old self would understand. “Would you be proud of who
I've become?”
“Why don't you ask
our mom?”
Inside I screamed,
“Mom isn't alive in my time.” Then I decided to ask, “Well, wouldn't we
or ourselves be the better judge of each other?”
He thought for a
moment, then nodded. “You may be right.” I quietly let out a sigh of relief.
“So, what have you done?”
Then I pondered on
how much I should and/or shouldn't share with my past self. “Oh boy, where do I
begin? We graduated high school alongside some friends. Currently, I'm tackling
higher education, which took me a while to get there.”
My past self
looked on in wonder and amazement.
“We end up acting
on screen and stage.” I saw a 'wow' come from his mouth after that. “You
will end up visiting California and Florida. We'll see many sights we never
expected. And meet many people we wouldn't believe possible to meet. So, what
do you think?”
My past self sat
back up from laying down to listen. “Wow, you've done so much with your life. A
part of me does envy you. I look forward to what happens.” I grinned a bit,
because not everything single thing was told to him, well the parts that he
wouldn't like. “I guess I could be proud of myself for doing all those things.
But were there any scary parts?”
“I'm afraid with
much of life, there will always be scary and dangerous parts. Although at my
point, I don't think I've come across anything too dangerous yet.”
“Do I grow out of
the things that I’m afraid of? One major thing I'm afraid of is heights.”
I answered back,
“At my current age, I mostly just fear falling the wrong way. In a way, it's
something we both still fear. Don't worry, some of your fears you will grow out
of.” I patted my past self on his head, as he bit his fingernails. “Along with
outgrowing some of our bad habits.”
He then asked,
“Are there things we still like when we are older?”
“Oh yes. Movies,
comics, wrestling. Some of the food, at least the ones I can have. Trust me,
your foods may change slightly but it'll still be yummy.” He giggled. “You do a
lot more reading when you grow up, but you will still have your favorites.”
“Like the Hobbit?”
I nodded.
"Yes, and there will be a few movies tying into that story to look forward
to as well. Someday.”
“Your future
sounds awesome; I want to be there and see it myself. Do you have a job?”
Again, I wondered
how to explain his future, but this time about my employment situation.
“Presently I do, yet I've got through so many jobs that you would like to
tackle at some point. Some of which aren't even around when you are currently.
I'm afraid you'll have to wait for many things.” My past self lets out a sigh
of disappointment.
“I suppose I could
wait.” He looked up at my face, as we were both smiling. “I think our mom would
be proud of us, too.”
My smile cracked
as did part of my voice, “I wish I knew. I miss her and our folks.”
The past self
started to piece something together. “Wait, are they gone in your time?”
I teared up,
sniffling, and slowly nodded. “Yes. I'm afraid most of them have. I've outlived
them.”
As he looked at my
face and saw me crying, he caught me off guard by asking, “Do you need a hug?”
I slowly shook my
head, “In a way, I've always needed one since they all passed. I used to be
such a good hugger when I was younger. Although you aren't there yet.” We both
got off the bench. I lowered down to one knee and embraced the hug with myself.
I whisper to him; “I will always miss being you.”
He whispered back,
“And I'll always look forward to being you.” In a way, we accepted what we
were, are, and what we will become. As we parted, I said to him, “Give my love
to long ago.” My past self ran away waving at me.
Opening my eyes, I
found myself still there on the bench overlooking the lagoon. Noticing that the
sun was about to set, I stood up and started walking away from that bench. Yet,
I stopped to feel my cheek and tears were there. I will always cherish and miss
pieces of my past, and I know that my past will always look forward to the
great things ahead of him.
About the Author
Scott Jackson is a native of Central Illinois where he lives with his girlfriend and four cats. He loves video games, musicals, comic books, 80s and 90s nostalgia, Doctor Who, and overall, a good story to enjoy. After finally reaching his limits with retail work, he decided to re-invent himself by going back to school to pursue his dream of becoming a writer and teacher. In his spare time, he picks up extra roles in local films, helps out with a local community theatre, and continues to work on his first novels. Currently, he is the Vice President of Scholarship for ICC's honor society Phi Theta Kappa. He is told this would be his last year at ICC and is due to graduate in December 2025.